I needed to be out in the ocean, in the canoe. Thought off-season practice was at 5:30. It was at 5:15 and when we drove up the canoes were filled and leaving. So headed to the gym to work off grief by pushing weights.
Why grief? It's there and palpable and I don't know who, how and why though mentally I can find many sources. Early this morning I got up with an apocalyptic dream. It was the kind of dream that is a possible future. They have a certain kind of tone, of dream reality. The earth was shaking. Seconds blossomed to minutes. I watched across a bay and thought San Francisco; it wasn't. The shape of the city was different. I watched a phallic black glass and steel building of offices, apartments and people plummet. Everything was crashing around all of us. And then the ocean heaved, sick with pollution and a tsunami consumed the disaster.
That's one source of the grief.
We all know there's a shift. We know we've gone too far without proper gratitude and care. And we're all a part of it. Some of us were put here specifically to take care of this place. We turned from the responsibility. It's difficult when the prevailing rulership believes the earth and all non-human inhabitants are dead. They pretend we no longer exist. And we follow the masses into slavery to this system. It's difficult not to be swallowed by the tsunami of false culture, bearing down on us.
I know, brother. I know sister, I think when passing those who have given it up for drink, drugs, food, sex or television. I understand the weight of grief, of shame.
I scan the internal horizon for other sources. Childhood. My brother who is on disability but can't get on medicaid. The words of a paddling coach who said she and her girls have recently paddled past human excrement dumped from boats into the ocean.
Even grief gets hungry and demands more grief.
I turn the other direction as the sun heads into the sea. I acknowledge grief. And we both keep moving.
1 comment:
JOY,
PLEASE FORGIVE THE LENGTH OF THIS AND OTHER POSTS.
I FIND THAT YOUR WRITING IS VERY INSPIRATIONAL, AND CLOSELY RELATED TO SUBJECTS WHICH ARE WITHIN MY OWN HEART.
I HAVE WALKED THE PATH OF THIS GRIEF. IT RUNS VERY DEEP; SO MUCH SO, THAT IT CAN PERMEATE EVERY FIBER OF OUR BEING, WRAPPING AROUND THE HEART AND NOT LETTING GO.
TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND MOVE ON IS NECESSARY TO AVOID THE PARALYSIS OF EMBRACING IT TOO CLOSELY; YET IT IS AN EVER-PRESENT STRUGGLE.
IF NOT FOR THE COMFORTING BALANCE OF THE FAR GREATER MYSTERY, IT WOULD BE EASY TO BECOME CONSUMED BY DESPAIR.
THROUGH THE MYSTERY, WE STILL KNOW THE SACREDNESS OF THE AIR WHICH WE BREATHE, OF THE WATER WHICH RUNS THROUGH OUR VEINS, OF THE EARTH FROM WHICH WE ARE BORN, AND THE FIRE WHICH BURNS DEEP WITHIN OUR CORE.
WE KNOW THESE THINGS, EVEN AS WE WATCH THEM BEING DESTROYED.
YOU ARE CORRECT THAT WE MUST ALL ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHERE WE ARE NOW.
RIGHT OR WRONG, GOOD OR BAD, HUMBLE OR ARROGANT; WE ARE ALL CONNECTED.
WE DO NOT CHOOSE OUR RELATIVES, AS ALL ARE RELATED.
THE ARTICLE ABOUT BLACK MESA AND THE PARASITIC MINING COMPANY, REMINDS ME OF MANY THINGS.
I WENT TO THE SACRED LAND WEBSITE.
ONE OF THE FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE MAJOR IMPERIALIST MOVEMENTS (JUDEO-CHRISTIANITY AND ISLAM) AND OTHER TRADITIONS, SEEMS TO BE LIKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'RELIGION' AND 'SPIRITUALITY'.
THE SACRED SITES OF NATIVE PEOPLES PRE-EXIST HUMANITY. TO EXPERIENCE THESE, WE DWELL WITHIN THE REALM OF SPIRIT.
THE "SACRED" SITES OF THE MAJOR 'RELIGIONS' WERE MOSTLY BUILT BY HUMANS IN PRAISE OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC GODS.
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ARROGANT, THAN TO ASSUME THAT IN ALL TIME AND SPACE, THERE IS A SUPREME BEING THAT IS NOT ONLY SEPARATE, BUT LOOKS JUST LIKE US?
OF COURSE, IN TRUE RELIGIOUS STYLE, SOME SITES WERE JUST TAKEN OVER FROM OTHER CULTURES (SUCH AS WHEN THE ANCIENT SHRINE AROUND THE METEORITE KNOWN AS THE KA'BAA WAS DESTROYED, AND THE IMMOVABLE STONE BECAME PART OF ISLAM).
AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THE JUDEO-CHRISTIANS HAVE DONE HERE IN THE "AMERICAS" AND THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.
AS I SEE THE PRACTIONERS OF THESE WAYS CONTINUE TO SCORCH THE EARTH, CONTINUE TO EXTINCT SPECIES AFTER SPECIES, TO VIOLATE THE SACRED AIR AND WATER, WHICH ARE THE ESSENCE OF LIFE, I CANNOT HELP BUT TO FEEL IMMENSE GRIEF.
NOT JUST GRIEF FOR WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE TO OUR MOTHER EARTH AND OUR MANY NON-HUMAN RELATIVES; BUT FOR SO MANY FUTURE GENERATIONS WHO WILL CONTINUE TO PAY FOR OUR LUNACY, LONG AFTER WE HAVE PASSED ON.
WHITEHORSE
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