Mourning

I am in mourning. Our freedoms are dying. Our privacy is taking its last breaths. Our so-called leaders smell rankly of greed. And I realized a few months ago, as I drank fresh spring water as it erupted between stones outside of Anchorage,Alaska that my grandchildren have never tasted water that hasn't be contaminated with floride, plastic or some other chemical. Tonight I am mourning the Pacific that has blessed these islands. Tons of raw sewage from tourist-laden Waikiki has spewed into the ocean, and now the currents have deposited it back on the most beautiful stretch of beachfront in the world. How's that for "poetic justice"?


Forward from Andre Cramblit, and it was forwarded to him from someone at Dartmouth--
New American Century Dictionary of Politically Correct Neo-Conservative Terminologies


Alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

Bankruptcy n. 1. A punishable crime when committed by poor people. 2. A responsible business decision when exercised by corporations. 3. The condition of America after Dubya (no more stinkin' liberal entitlement programs to deal with).

Compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.

Climate change n. 1. The day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans. 2. A heretical belief that should be punishable by death if not publicly recanted.

Creationism n. Pseudo science that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

Conservative n. 1. [archaic]: One who believed in small government, honesty, balanced budgets, responsibility and accountability. 2. [current] One who believes in unquestioning loyalty without the necessity of all that other baggage.

Corruption n. An outmoded concept that has outlived its usefulness. No longer applicable.

DeLay, Tom. 1. v. Past tense of De Lie; 2. n. Patronage saint.

Democracy n. A saleable commodity so extensively exported that the domestic supply is depleted.

Election n. Political theater for the masses with results predetermined by Diebold.

Emergency Preparedness n. A bureaucratic exercise in finding incompetents to place in positions of authority in order to get kick-backs [aka political contributions] from their exorbitant tax-payer-funded salaries.

Faith n. Jesus would say Dubya has your best interests at heart... honest!

Fox News n. [Probably an Anglicism of the French; Faux News] Fiction.

Free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

Girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately.

Growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.

Habeas corpus n. [Lat.] Archaic Legal term no longer in use (See Patriot Act).

Health Insurance n. 1. A policy to deal with unexpected health problems, funded by taxpayers, if you are a Congressman. 2. An unaffordable financial drain for all individuals who are not in the top 1% income bracket.

Healthy forest n. No tree left behind.

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million.

Honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Things are going well in Iraq."

Intelligence n. Reports issued by the NSA, CIA and FBI that say whatever Cheney and Rumsfeld tell them to say.

Intelligent Design n. A science wherein objective observations are suppressed and discarded in favor of a preordained belief system.

Iran n. The next middle-eastern puppet "democracy" to be established through bombing.

Laziness n. Term used to describe any period of time when the poor are not working.

Leisure time n. Term used to describe any period of time when the wealthy are not working.

Lobbyist n. Former government employee responsible for rubber-stamping decisions made by his current employer.

Neo-con n. 1. New con job (see truth). 2. Those who execute new con jobs.

No Child Left Behind n. Government policy that insures success for all through guaranteed jobs in the military.

Non-profit Organization n. A totally unimportant and irrelevant concept.

Ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth.

Patriot Act n. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.

Pension n. 1. [archaic] A contractually-obligated responsibility of a company to reward loyal workers with a livable stipend at retirement. 2. [current usage] An unaffordable business liability that stands in the way of larger CEO bonuses.

Pro-life adj. Term used to describe those who value and fund control of human life from conception until birth, regardless of the wishes of those actually involved.

Public Good n. What? It's the age of global corporations: get with the program!

Roadless areas n. An example of ancient American history.

Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million.

Simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

Stay the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same insane thing over and over, regardless of the result.

Social Security n. An unjustified redistribution of wealth to the undeserving [see Pension].

Terrorists n.(pl) All who disagree with President Bush.

Tort Reform n. A methodology for making profits without regard to the effectiveness or safety of products and/or services rendered.

Truth n. Lies repeated until they are accepted as truth.

Voter fraud n. A term used to describe significant minority turnout.

Wal-Mart n. Model for the future nation-state.

Water n. Arsenic storage device.

Woman n. 1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child. 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.

9/11 n. Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy.